In a world that constantly tells us to “stay positive” and “be grateful,” it can feel shameful to express our frustrations.

For many of us, everyday life is full of little (and big) frustrations.

Sometimes, we just need to say it out loud. To vent. To release the pressure building inside. To feel heard, validated, or even helped to reframe our situation. I’ve written more about the value of talking about how we feel with others to help us process our emotions and gain perspective [in this blog post – https://gerryvanderwalt.com/talk-it-out-why-being-heard-is-a-healing-tool/].

But there comes a point when the people around us – friends, partners, colleagues – might respond with something sharp like:

“If you’re that unhappy, why don’t you just quit?”

And that’s where things get complicated.

Because most of the time… we don’t want to quit.

We just want to feel seen in our struggle.

We want someone to say, “That sounds tough. I get it.”

We want a moment to air our frustration before getting back into the hard work of growing our resilience, of having the hard conversation with our boss, of showing up at the gym again, of trying to reconnect with our partner.

But we need to understand the difference between venting for catharsis, which helps to reduce tension -and rumination, where complaints become repetitive, unresolved and emotionally draining for everyone involved.

So how do we vent without exhausting our support system?

Here are a few ways to reframe complaining into intentional emotional release:

1. Name your intention.

Start your vent by saying,

“I don’t want advice. I just need to vent for a second.” or

“I’m trying to process something out loud, do you have a minute to hear me?”

2. Acknowledge your agency.

Try adding,

“I know I’m working on this” or

“I know it will get better, this is just a rough patch.”

This shows you’re not spiralling, you’re just decompressing.

3. Use journaling, voice notes or just speak to yourself first.

Sometimes we need to hear ourselves out before we ask others to listen.

4. Avoid looping.

If you’ve been venting about the same thing for weeks, take a step back and ask yourself:

• Is this becoming a pattern?
• Do I need to take action, not just talk?
• Am I asking people to support me in the right way?

5. Acknowledge when it’s time to take action.

Once you’re aware of the loop, find the courage to face the issue. Take action. Reach out. Ask for the right support so you can stop the cycle and start building solutions.

You can be frustrated, fed up, tired, or stuck and still be committed.

Complaining doesn’t mean you’ve given up. It just means you’re human.

When we reframe venting as processing, releasing, and reconnecting, it not only deepens our relationships. It also helps us move through hard seasons with more grace.