Since I started the journey of improving my self-confidence, I’ve realised that for a long time I believed the labels I had given myself… and the ones others had given me.
For example, I used to believe that I was a shy person.
Every time I entered a new situation, the voice in my head whispered, “You’re shy”, and so I acted accordingly. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy. The truth, however, is that I wasn’t born shy. I had simply carried that label around for so long that it became my identity.
When I began to challenge this belief and test new behaviours, I discovered something freeing: I had more control than I thought. I could choose how I showed up, how I interacted, and how much confidence I allowed myself to feel.
Where Limiting Beliefs Come From
Many of our self-beliefs don’t start with us. They grow from off-handed comments in childhood, moments of embarrassment at school, cultural expectations, or comparisons with others. The problem is, we treat those old moments as if they define us forever.
Sometimes, our limiting belief sounds like this:
- I’m not smart enough
- I don’t deserve success
- I’m too old (or too young) to start something new
- I don’t have time
- I’ll fail anyway
- I don’t have enough experience
These self-imposed boundaries keep us stuck. This is your nudge to pause and notice what’s really holding you back and to remind yourself: you can change the story.
How to Tell If You’re Limiting Yourself
You might be holding onto a limiting belief if you often:
- Put yourself down, even in small ways
- Feel like you don’t deserve attention, interest, or success
- Dim yourself to avoid being noticed
- Believe you’ll never change or improve
- Put others’ needs before your own – always
- Struggle to accept love, kindness, or compliments
- Use self-deprecating humour to cover your discomfort
- Stay silent out of fear of being judged
- Find excuses not to follow your dreams
- Compare yourself unfairly to others
- Downplay your achievements or minimise your worth
- Delay action until you feel “ready”
What to Do Next: Tools to Reframe Your Beliefs
Noticing these patterns is step one. Step two is gently reshaping them:
- Catch the thought in the moment
When you hear yourself say, “I can’t”, pause.
- Challenge it with evidence.
Ask yourself, “Is this always true? Can I think of a time I surprised myself?”
Example: If your thought is “I always freeze in meetings”, remind yourself of a time you spoke up, even briefly.
- Rewrite it into possibility.
Replace “I’ll never be confident” with “I’m learning to show up with more confidence, one step at a time.”
- Take a micro-action.
Change doesn’t come from thinking – it comes from doing. If you fear speaking up, set yourself a goal to share just one idea in your next meeting. If you fear rejection, send one message asking for feedback or help. Even a tiny brave step begins to rewire the belief.
It might feel uncomfortable at first, but growth always does. Every time you avoid discomfort, you reinforce the belief that you can’t handle it. Every time you take even a tiny step forward, you prove to yourself that you can.
A Reflection Exercise
If this resonates with you, try this simple exercise:
1. Write down 3 beliefs you carry about yourself (e.g., I’m shy, I’m not creative, I always fail).
2. For each belief, ask:
- Where did this belief come from?
- Is it absolutely true?
- What is the cost of holding onto it?
3. Rewrite it into a kinder, truer belief you’d rather hold.
4. Then, write down the belief you’re growing into (e.g., I’m becoming more confident, I’m learning resilience, I deserve success).
5. For each one, ask:
- Why do I want this belief to be true?
- What actions am I already taking to make it real?
- What actions can I add to support it further?
If you’re feeling stuck, frustrated, or labelled by a story that no longer fits you, this is your reminder: you are not your limiting belief. Start with one small change, one braver action, one reframed thought. Over time, those little steps add up and they can reshape not only how you see yourself but also the relationships and opportunities you invite into your life.
