What if I told you that becoming more confident doesn’t require changing who you are – you just need to show up as if you already are?

I’ve never considered myself a confident person. I’m actually quite shy. But over time, I’ve discovered something surprising: most people are. And often, all it takes to appear confident – and eventually feel it – is to act like you are.

It started in my group gym classes. I was a regular and whenever someone new joined, I noticed how nervous they seemed. At first, it felt unnatural for me to approach them. I’m not the type to make the first move or strike up small talk. But one day, I stepped out of my comfort zone.

I remembered how anxious I had felt as the new person. And suddenly, it clicked – I had the power to make this space feel less intimidating for someone else. So I introduced myself. I offered help during the class. And each time, I saw their tension ease. Most of the time, they’d thank me. That simple act of connection made a noticeable difference.

And the most surprising difference – I felt confident.

It was a lightbulb moment: confidence isn’t about being the loudest or most outgoing. It’s about recognising that others feel the same fears you do – and choosing to lead with kindness anyway.

This ties into a psychological phenomenon I mentioned in my previous blog, “pluralistic ignorance” – where everyone feels shy and uncomfortable in social situations but we assume that everyone else is confident. We often think, I’m the shy one. Everyone else looks so confident. But the truth? Most of us are just quietly hoping someone else will make the first move.

The more I leaned into this mindset, the more something beautiful happened: the culture of the class began to shift. Others started greeting new members. We became a more connected group. And that connection wasn’t built by big personalities – it started with one small act of courage.

Sure, there are still days when I’m not in the mood to chat. Days when I convince myself that they seem more confident than me, so why bother. But when I don’t say hi or offer a friendly comment, something feels off. I feel inauthentic – like I’ve missed an opportunity to be true to who I really am.

Confidence isn’t about being 100% bold all the time. It’s about choosing to show up, even when it’s hard – and realising that the more you do it, the more natural it feels.

So here’s the takeaway:

You have the power to shape the atmosphere of any room you walk into. If you trick yourself into believing everyone else is confident and you’re the only one who’s not, you’re depriving yourself an opportunity to grow and connect with others.

Now, I don’t walk around oozing confidence every day. But when I compliment a stranger’s outfit, strike up small talk at a wedding, or ask someone about their day – I feel more empowered, more connected, and more me.

And when you take the lead – even in a small way – you make it easier for others to feel comfortable too.

So next time you’re at a gym class, a dinner party, or even just waiting in line, try it:

Say hello.

Give a compliment.

Start a conversation.

You might be surprised to learn that you are the key to building your own confidence.