When all the voices in your head go quiet, you’re left totally present and at peace. It’s a thing of true beauty.
I wrote that in an Instagram post in which I shared some thoughts on my recent expedition in Svalbard, and if I had to distil the experience down to the core, I reckon it would revolve around that premise.
Allow me to divert for a second. You see, there is an exercise that I do with some of my mindset coaching clients in which I ask them to take an hour somewhere quiet, without any distractions, and just allow their mind to go.
The point of the exercise is to allow you to become aware of and engage with all the voices in your head, and yes, that includes the dark or shadow voices that eventually and inevitably will pop up. These are the same voices that whisper at you when you wake up at 1:37 on a Tuesday morning.
These are the voices that remind you of all the things you don’t really want to think about. They remind you of things you did that you shouldn’t have or that you didn’t do that you should have. They remind you of guilt, shame, regret, insecurities, fear, anxiety, depression, hopelessness, and all the other emotions and feelings that we push back to the dark corner of our minds.
If you have any kind of self-awareness and are honest with yourself, I’m sure you’ll know what I’m talking about, and I’m sure you have your own dark, shadow voices.
So with that said, when was the last time your voices went 100% quiet and you had total clarity of thought, peace of mind, and the feeling of being totally present without any distractions?
This is what I found in the Arctic during one of the most difficult and challenging things I have ever done in my life, mentally or physically.
The simplicity of purpose on the ice was paradoxically liberating, allowing me to find rather profound meaning in each simple accomplishment.
From my journal… It’s crazy where the mind goes. The resistance is so strong. The resistance is the cold. When it starts to touch your mind, it doesn’t let go.
I shit you not. Within the first 30 minutes of setting out on day one, my mind started asking questions like, Why am I here? and mixed that in with a healthy dose of uncertainty and the fear of not being good enough and not belonging here. In a previous newsletter, I also mentioned that there was even a sense of guilt for doing something like this for myself.
As we set out to ski towards our first campsite, my dark little shadow voices made sure to remind me of all of this. At once. At the same time. Without stop.
It’s kind of what they do, and even though I knew this and was ready for it, combined with the insanely cold temperatures, which consumes your mind and seem to just wake up and empower the voices, and the physical exertion of dragging a sled through the snow, things felt so much more intense.
From my journal… The whole thing of one step is huge. Just one more step. Then another and another.
The whole idea of taking action—doing something—when you’re anxious, stressed, or depressed came to mind, and that’s pretty much all I did. It’s all I could do. Again, trying to think your way out of a hard situation is like trying to sniff your way out of a cocaine addiction.
Luckily, the daily schedule lent itself to doing something and just keeping moving because we would ski for an hour, stop for a 15-minute break, and repeat this a few times before stopping for lunch. And then do it all again until you get to the spot where you set up camp.
Linking to the first sentence of this newsletter, by just putting one foot in front of the other again and again and again and again, it seemed that the voices got softer and spoke just a little bit less, and eventually they had nothing left to say.
The feeling of having a quiet mind, with no voices reminding you of the things you don’t want to be reminded of, was as overwhelming as it was addicting.
Like I said, it was a thing of beauty and something I haven’t had to that extent since I can remember. I wanted that quiet, clear, peaceful mindset without the voices doing what they do. I needed it.
And I knew how to get it.
From my journal… This was probably the hardest day I’ve had physically. Ever. But you have to keep going. You have no choice. But fuck, it was hard!
The magic you’re looking for is normally in the work your avoiding but in this instance I had no choice but to do the work. I had to keep moving past exhaustion, past cold, past self-doubt, and in certain instances cramping, aching muscles.
So the formula was simple – and yes this is a teachable moment – do the hard physical work if you want to get the mental benefits and an amazing headspace.
What I’m about to say is something I’ve said before, that I stand by 100%, and something I hope most of you will agree with.
Mental health is downstream from physical health.
If you want a healthy headspace and positive mental health, you need to pay attention to and look after your physical health by doing the work. There is no shortcut.
Surely it goes without saying that if you are unfit or unhealthy, your body is hurting, and you feel uncomfortable in your own skin, it is highly, highly unlikely that you will be in a good headspace. Mental health is downstream from physical health.
More than that, when you engage in hard physical activity or exercise, you are pushing back against those shadow voices in your head to back up and eventually be quiet. This is one of the main reasons why I train so regularly. Yes, it is about looking and feeling better in my own skin, but it’s also about managing my mental space.
When it was out on the ice, I really had no choice but to keep moving and doing the hard physical work for between six and ten hours a day, which was, as mentioned, great to make the voices go quiet.
At home, that obviously is not the reality, but by training every single day and doing something physically challenging every single day, I’m still able to keep pushing back, allowing the voices to do what they need to do and say what they need to say, and basically outlast them in order for me to get to the place where I get that mental clarity and peace of mind.
Yes, another teachable moment right there. Are you doing something physical every day for yourself? For your body? For your headspace?
Anyway, let’s get back to Svalbard and one more lesson I took from the experience.
From my journal… But I’m doubting myself. Actually, I’m doubting the person I want to get away from. The person who needs to change. I’m doubting that person. I need the new version. The one who keeps going, pushing, and doing. The one I want to be. The one I should be.
Yeah, this one was a bit deeper than originally thought, but at the time, early on in the trip, doubt definitely crept in. Can I do this? Am I good enough? Did I prepare enough? Do I deserve this?
I think it’s a very natural thing, especially when doing something for the first time. Whether you want to call it imposter syndrome or lack of confidence, those little voices bite onto the fact that you haven’t done this thing before and keep reminding you of it.
At the risk of getting too philosophical this late in the newsletter, I do believe that each of us is living a version of the person we currently are in conjunction with the person we want to be.
We all know the difference between the two; sometimes we are painfully aware of it, but we choose not to pay attention to it because looking in that mirror shows us an interesting combination of our insecurities, which obviously scratches at our confidence, and the person we, somewhere deep down, know we can be but quite often are afraid to become.
From my journal… This is harder than what I hoped for, but I still want more.
I mentioned this in my latest IG post as well. It was without a doubt one of the most difficult, challenging, and demanding undertakings I have ever attempted, physically or mentally. It was absolutely amazing.
The magic you’re looking for is in the work you’re avoiding.
In life we need to do the hard things. We need to push ourselves. We need to get uncomfortable. Because that is where you’ll find what you’re looking for, whether that be peace of mind, happiness, physical health, better relationship, a sense of purpose, or even just for those little dark voices to be quiet for a while.
I still have a huge amount of thoughts, emotions, and feelings to process from the trip, and I’m patiently waiting for the feeling to come back into some of my toes, but I have already started looking ahead to what’s next. To my next expedition. To my next challenge.
This expedition lasted 6 days. The next one will last at least 25 days. Yes, it’s scary as shit. Yes, there are a lot of challenges to overcome to get there. Yes, I still doubt myself. Yes, I might need help to get there. Yes, I feel alive just thinking about finishing it! Yes, it’s going to happen.
But more on all this, on my white whale journey, in due course.
One of the things I’m currently pondering is how any goal we set for ourselves should have elements of being both selfish and selfless. It is an interesting one, and something I was thinking about even before heading north, but I do believe there’s great value in both.
The selfish part is easier to quantify and revolves around feeling as alive as I ever have, peace of mind, and clarity of thought around who I am.
The selfless side of the equation is something I’m giving a great deal of thought to and am journaling about. I do believe that a lot of the lessons that I learned and the places that the voices took me have given me new skillsets and perspectives that I will be able to deploy with great value to my coaching clients. This truly excites me!
Either way, I will be sharing more thoughts and ideas as I work through them and as I start planning the next stage of my white whale journey.
Oh, and I spoke to some of the people about the final stage of this journey, where I want to get to, and what I want to achieve. Beyond surreal and pretty nerve-wrecking but there are people who feel the same. Who wants the same thing. Felt great!
Anyway, thanks for indulging me and following my chain of thought, which is still a work in progress.
I hope that somewhere in all this you read something that makes you think or that I inspire you a little bit to make a start towards an expedition of your own.
You don’t have to head into Arctic conditions like I did, but I promise you this: when you set a goal, prepare for it, and push yourself past where you are comfortable, your life will change.
And that is what I wish for each of you! 🙏🏼
Stay safe.
And don’t forget to be awesome.
