I recently underwent a pretty common surgery. What I didn’t expect? The recovery would hit me so hard – physically and mentally.

I found myself wondering:

Am I just being overly dramatic?

Shouldn’t I be handling this better?

When I finally opened up about my experience, I was surprised. So many people around me had gone through the same thing – but not one of them had ever mentioned how tough it was until I brought it up.

This made me reflect on how often we downplay our struggles or just certain periods of our lives. There’s this quiet, persistent pressure to act like everything is fine like we’ve got it all together.

Psychologists call this Impression Management – which is the tendency to present ourselves in a positive light, fearing that admitting struggles will make us seem weak, incompetent, or too negative.

So, instead of being honest about our difficulties, we filter them out when we share our experiences, making it seem like we are handling everything effortlessly. We say, “I’m good,” even when we’re not – worried that others won’t want to hear what we’re really going through.

This leads to the “Everything is Fine” Illusion also known as Pluralistic Ignorance where everyone is struggling silently, assuming they’re the only one. The result of this, is that we look around and think:

“Why is everyone else coping so well while I’m barely holding it together?”

It’s easy to look around and believe that everyone else is thriving while we’re the only ones finding things hard. But the truth is, many people are facing the same challenges. They just aren’t talking about it.

It made me wonder – how many times have I gone through something difficult and only shared the ‘success story’ afterward?

I probably told myself it wasn’t worth mentioning… or felt that I didn’t want to seem negative or like I was complaining. By downplaying my experience, I might have been unintentionally making others feel as lost and unprepared as I once did.

Next time you feel tempted to minimize your experience – just to keep the mood light – consider this:

You deserve to be honest.

Not only for your own healing, but for the comfort and connection it might give someone else. Because when you open up about your struggle, you create space for others to do the same.

So try saying:

“I’ve been having a tough time lately.”

“I’m healing, but it’s been harder than I expected.”

“I could really use some support right now.”

These aren’t signs of weakness. They’re acts of courage. And they’re exactly what so many of us need to hear.

The more we show up as our whole selves – struggles and all – the more we give others permission to do the same.
And that’s when real connection begins.