As I sat down to write this part of the newsletter I didn’t quite know where to start.
The idea was to share some thoughts on mental health in men and how suffering in silence is not an healthy option anymore.
Please take a few minutes and watch this video on YouTube from 2:00 minutes on.
The message is real.
The story is real.
Men… start talking!
Good mental health is as important as oxygen.
Anxiety.
Depression.
Addiction.
You cannot will these things away.
Mental health condition affects every single aspect for your daily life including the way you eat, sleep, feel, and think.
It will affect your ability to work, take care of yourself and maintain relationships with friends and family.
Mental health conditions are NOT a sign of weakness, and it can affect any man, regardless of his age and race or ethnicity.
Here is the first and most important thing you need to understand…
Admitting that you are struggling is not a sign of weakness!
On the contrary, it’s fucking hard and takes a lot of courage to open up and to admit that you need help.
It’s time for us to recalibrate what it means to “be a man” and normalize mental health struggles for everyone.
Strength is far less about how much you can bench press and far more how you navigate adversity and emotional turmoil, and how you find courage to admit you need help.
Truly, being vulnerable takes the most strength.
Admitting you’re struggling with mental health is often compounded by feelings of extreme shame, as being honest about emotions and pain still rests in the realm of the feminine.
Raised to be tough, to be expected to “man up”, fight, protect, and rationalise, men can feel as if there is little freedom to admit they are overwhelmed, afraid, or need help.
Some mental health symptoms in men might include:
- Anger and Aggression
- Irritability
- Frustration
- Substance misuse
- Trouble concentrating
- Persistent feelings of worry
- Engagement in high-risk activities
- Unusual behavior that concerns others or gets in the way of daily life
- Thoughts of suicide
Some mental health conditions, including anxiety and depression, can also have physical symptoms that most people might ignore or aren’t even aware of. These include changes in appetite and energy, new aches and pains, digestive issues, trouble sleeping or sleeping more than usual.
Depression and anxiety, for example, sometimes manifests differently in men than it does in women. While women with anxiety or depression may seem sad, lethargic, or vacant, men are more likely to appear aggressive, angry, and irritable.
Because depression in men often hides behind these more hostile emotions, it is sometimes difficult for men to recognise what is going on within themselves, and harder still for others to recognise it in them.
In fact, when men do seek medical treatment for depression, it is often for the physiological side effects it caused (racing heart, headaches, and digestive issues for example) and not for emotional ones.
It’s not easy to admit you’re struggling.
Trust me, I know. 🙏🏼
The feeling of being slightly disconnected from everybody and everything around you. Not being able to focus on anything. Feeling alone and sometimes misunderstood. Feeling nervous and worried all the time. Not feeling good enough. Feeling like a failure. Feeling like nobody cares and that there’s no point to anything.
Please talk to someone.
Please say something!
Truly, being vulnerable takes the most strength.
If more people understand that depression and other mental illnesses are caused by actual chemical changes in the brain, the way we talk and think about mental illness could change for good, and men could feel more comfortable seeking the treatment they need.
If we continue to develop a more evolved cultural understanding of mental illness, depression, and substance use disorder, we could foster great transparency around these issues and make it easier for people to talk with others about their problems and not feel ashamed to ask for help.
Toxic masculinity can be described as a set of traits stereotypically in and expected of men. Toxic masculinity is caused by certain cultural pressures for men to behave in a certain way. From a young age, men are taught to be strong, quiet, resilient, and tough.
Boys are taught that to be “manly” means they should be aggressive, powerful, and never show weakness. In moderation, none of these traits are necessarily negative ones.
But when these traits become overly pronounced and masculinity becomes toxic, it can be harmful to individuals and to society in general.
Toxic masculinity is a bit of a double-edged sword, though. While these traits may discourage some men from asking for help, they can also lead to increased rates of depression in others.
What often happens is that men refuse to ask for help, and their symptoms continue or worsen. With worsened conditions, they become more likely to “treat” their condition with drug and alcohol misuse.
Admitting that you are struggling is not a sign of weakness!
I’ve been there and I know how fucking hard it is to even admit to yourself that you might need help. That you might be broken and need help to pull the pieces together again.
It is so, so hard.
But compared to the alternative worst case scenario, it’s non-negotiable!
It’s okay, as a man, to not be okay and to ask for help.
Start by talking to someone.
Just talk.
Even that will make you feel a little lighter.
And this is important…
If you find yourself surrounded by people / friends who make you feel you can’t open up, who makes you feel you can’t be ‘soft’ and talk… find new people / friends!
You can not allow people who are emotionally closed off and insecure and hiding behind masculine bravado and macho attitudes to hold you back from freeing yourself and your mind and stop you from feeling better.
Because when you go down, and without seeking out help there’s a very good chance you will, you’ll be going down alone. I’ll say it again… you will go down alone.
One last time…
Admitting that you are struggling is not a sign of weakness!
If you’re a man and you’re struggling with mental health challenges…for yourself, for the people you love, for your peace of mind and for a better life… please, please, please talk to someone.
Truly, being vulnerable takes the most strength. 🙏🏼
