This post came straight from a coaching session I wrapped up two days ago.
My client and I dove into that weird space where growth makes you feel like a stranger in your own life. We talked about pushing past comfortable boundaries and the loneliness that sometimes follows. Nothing fancy about our conversation—just two people getting real about what happens when you outgrow your surroundings.
What you’re about to read is my take on that space between who you were and who you’re becoming.
Let’s go…
There’s this moment nobody warns you about. The space between who you were and who you’re becoming. A void where the old landmarks disappear but the new ones haven’t formed yet. Let’s call it the Rocket Ship Effect.
It hits you without warning.
You’re changing. Growing. Pushing boundaries that once felt impenetrable. And suddenly, you look around and realize… you’re alone up here.
The Brutal Truth of Outgrowing Your Orbit
Picture a rocket at launch. The ground crew swarms around it. Energy. Noise. Connection. But as it climbs higher, faster – the people below become specks, then nothing. Just emptiness stretching in all directions.
This isn’t metaphorical bullshit. This is the raw reality of personal transformation.
“The further and faster you go down your road, the fewer people there are.“
I watched it happen during a recent session. “Everyone’s just sort of… no one can keep up with what I’m doing. And that’s not meant in an arrogant way. I just kind of feel that when I’m with people they don’t fucking get where I’m at.”
That isolation breeds doubt. Not the gentle, philosophical kind. The early morning, gut-churning kind that whispers: What the fuck am I doing this for?
The Mindfuck of Success Without Definition
Here’s the trap most of us fall into – we chase advancement without defining what success actually looks like.
“If you do not have very specific criteria for what your success looks like, by definition, you also do not have criteria for what failure looks like.“
And your brain, that hyperactive meaning-making machine, fills the vacuum with worst-case scenarios. The second your mind goes quiet – when there’s no distraction, no work, no noise – it latches onto anything negative and screams: FAILURE.
I’ve seen it many times. Someone making objectively incredible progress, feeling like a fraud because they never bothered to define what winning means to them.
When was the last time you sat down and wrote, with brutal specificity:
- What does success look like next month?
- What proves I’m succeeding by year-end?
- What tangible evidence would show I’ve made it in three years?
If you can’t answer those, you’re setting yourself up for perpetual dissatisfaction.
The Happiness Trade-Off Nobody Questions
We tell ourselves the most dangerous lie: I’ll sacrifice happiness now to gain success, which will eventually make me happy.
“We sacrifice the thing we want for the thing that would get it. We sacrifice happiness in order to do something to get success. Because if I’m successful, then I’ll be happy.“
Cut out the middle. Where’s the fucking happiness?
You know the cycle. You’re happy. Then you want to be happier. So you chase success, believing it will bring more happiness. Yet you already had it. You already possessed the exact thing you’re destroying yourself to achieve.
It’s a feedback loop of anxiety that most people never escape.
The Whiteout: When All Reference Points Disappear
During our conversation, there was a story about being caught in an arctic whiteout – that terrifying phenomenon where sky, ground and horizon blend into a single white void.
“It’s this white world… there’s nothing to focus on, nothing to take your attention away. So then you start going in here [pointing to head].“
That’s exactly what overwhelming anxiety feels like. That’s what happens when you’re growing so fast that all familiar reference points disappear. Your mind turns inward, and sometimes not in a good way.
The darkness becomes overwhelming. Every insecurity you’ve ever felt rushes back with reinforcements.
“I had my turn in front, right? If I drop to the back and just go slower, and I just ski off into the whiteness. Nobody would care.“
That’s how dark it gets when you push your boundaries – when you step beyond what’s comfortable and known.
And the only way through? “Hang on for dear life.“
Sometimes growth isn’t pretty. Sometimes it’s just surviving the whiteout until you catch that first glimpse of color again – “the white turned soft pink” – proof that there’s still a world beyond your struggle.
Shifting Focus: The Counter-Intuitive Anxiety Hack
Most self-help bullshit tells you to focus on yourself. To practice self-affirmations. To center your energy.
Try the opposite.
“Make everything about everybody else… They will fucking love you for it.“
Social anxiety feeds on self-consciousness. On worrying how you’ll be perceived. But what if you flipped the script completely?
Don’t talk about yourself. Ask open-ended questions about others. Be genuinely curious. “Where are you from?” isn’t enough. “What brought you to this field?” “What excites you about this work?” “How did you get started?”
This isn’t manipulation – it’s redirection. Your anxiety can’t fixate on you if you’re completely focused outward.
As one client realized: “I will always start a conversation with someone else… I really don’t want to talk about myself.”
The Concept Creep: When Your Challenges Expand to Fill the Space
There’s this phenomenon called concept creep. As you grow beyond one limitation, your challenges don’t disappear – they just evolve.
Think of racism. The definition was once clear. Don’t say slurs. Don’t discriminate based on skin color. Simple. But as people moved away from those behaviors, the concept expanded. Now, the definition is broader, more nuanced, capturing subtler forms of bias.
Your anxiety and self-doubt work the same way.
“As you get more comfortable with yourself in a social setting, concept creep is going to come in. ‘Yeah, but you should also worry about it in this setting. You should also worry about it in this…’ and then we do it to ourselves. It’s feeding the beast.“
Recognize when you’re moving the goalposts on yourself. When yesterday’s impossible achievement becomes today’s “not good enough.”
Finding Your Message in the Noise
The self-development industry is a fucking maze. Everyone’s selling magic formulas, life-changing systems, and revolutionary mindsets.
Most of it isn’t wrong – it’s just not right for you, right now.
“Know at what stage of your journey you are and what message you need… it’s the right message and the right messenger at the right time.“
This requires brutal self-awareness. Where are you really at? What specific challenge are you facing? What message do you actually need right now?
If you’re struggling with post-achievement depression, hearing about how to start a business isn’t helpful. If you’re fighting imposter syndrome, generic “believe in yourself” platitudes won’t cut it.
Be selective. Be specific. Trust your gut when something doesn’t resonate, even from people you respect.
The Uncomfortable Truth About Growth
The rawest truth from our session might be this: meaningful growth requires genuine discomfort.
“Any man needs to do something fucking hard. Doubt yourself. Feel you’re gonna fail and get through it. There’s something in our DNA and our Psyche which just gets woken up.“
You can read about resilience all day. You can study psychology and philosophy. You can meditate and visualize. But until you’ve stood in the whiteout – until you’ve felt that gut-wrenching doubt and pushed through anyway – you haven’t developed the muscle that matters most.
One client described it perfectly: “The growth that you get from that and the awareness, if you are open to being, has been huge… the last sort of 6 weeks, 2 months have just been again another trajectory of growth.”
Embracing the Void
If you’re feeling the Rocket Ship Effect – if your growth has accelerated to the point where you feel disconnected from those around you – it’s not a sign you’re on the wrong path.
It’s evidence you’re breaking through.
The void isn’t punishment. It’s the space between who you were and who you’re becoming. It’s uncomfortable because transformation always is.
Your options aren’t complicated:
- Slow down to keep others with you (and potentially sacrifice your growth)
- Find new people who are on similar trajectories (even in different fields)
- Embrace the solitude as a necessary phase of your evolution
Most people choose option 1 without realizing it. They unconsciously dampen their potential to maintain connection.
The braver choice – the one that honors your potential – is to accept the temporary isolation as the price of authentic growth.
And maybe, just maybe, those glimpses of pink in the endless white are enough to keep you going until the view clears – until you find yourself in a new place, with new perspectives, and eventually, new connections who can truly understand the journey you’ve made.
The rocket ship doesn’t turn back.
But it does, eventually, find new orbits.
Stay safe.
And don’t forget to be awesome.
