Thoughts on anxiety

You are allowed to rest

October 30, 2021

Questions and Answers

November 9, 2021

Definition: Intense, excessive, and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. Fast heart rate, rapid breathing, sweating, and feeling tired may occur.

Anxiety can be normal in stressful situations such as public speaking or taking a test. Anxiety is only an indicator of underlying disease when feelings become excessive, all-consuming, and interfere with daily living.

Looking at literature and research we are told that the following triggers causes anxiety:

work stress or job change.
change in living arrangements.
pregnancy and giving birth.
family and relationship problems.
major emotional shock following a stressful or traumatic event.
verbal, sexual, physical or emotional abuse or trauma.
death or loss of a loved one.

But don’t you things have changed?

A lot?

In the strange messed up world we are currently living in it feels like there are way more things that causes anxiety. Well, I know this is true for me at least.

I think the one thing that is dramatically different from before the pandemic is that many of us are feeling anxious, and nervous, but we don’t even really know why.

In psychology, the concept of free-floating anxiety refers to a general sense of uneasiness that is not necessarily tied to any specific person or situation.

The term can best be described as a general sense of anxiousness, nervousness, worry or discomfort for apparently no reason whatsoever.

These spells of anxiety could possibly have it’s roots way back in your past and can then be triggered by the smallest event or situation that you won’t even be aware of.

The challenge here, and I’m quite sure many of you will agree with me on this, is that when you get anxious and you do not know what you are anxious about you start getting more anxious because you feel you need to have something to be anxious about.

Vicious circle.

I think the biggest challenge that we have is to find a way how to cope with spells of anxiety, whatever the reason might be. Generally, and I have personally tried both ways and spoken to my therapist about it, there are two ways to try and manage the symptoms that anxiety induces in us.

The first thing however, is that you have to verbalise or communicate the way you’re feeling. By keeping the way you feel locked down inside, and not sharing it with anybody, you’re only opening yourself up to more tension or stress or anxietybecause the way people interact with you will then be seen through your own anxiety coloured glasses.

By telling someone how you feel, and then choosing one of two main ways to try and manage your anxiety, you’ll be giving yourself the feeling of control, however small it might be.

A very popular way for many people to try and manage their anxiety, is to use apps on their phone which will help them meditate and to try and quiet their mind. Now I am all for meditating and taking time to clear up and defrag my mind – I do at least 10 minutes every morning – but when I’m anxious the absolute worst thing I can do is to sit still and let my mind wander, or try and ‘be quiet’ because inevitably the little voices in my head will hook onto any little bit of anxiety in might have and just blow them up into a beast that I then struggle to tame.

I feel, and I know this is the same for quite a few of the people I’ve spoken to, is to do something. To stay busy. To concentrate on some sort of task. To do something, anything, that takes your mind away from the seemingly never ending challenges and feelings you’re trying to deal with.

For me this is training, and going really hard in almost a fucked up kind of way to try and physically ‘attack’ the feelings and anxious thoughts that I might be having. I know it sounds kinda messed up but it makes me feel like I am doing something and the visceral sensation in my body makes me believe I’m fighting, and taking back control of my emotions.

What also works is to go for a run, or even a walk, with Jackson while listening to music or podcasts at the same time. The various forms of stimulation – physically moving, seeing cars people and places pass by, talking to Jackson, listening to an e-book – is a great way for my mind to stay busy and focused on many things rather than obsessing about anxious thoughts and feelings about things that will more than likely never happen.

Funny enough, writing is relatively new way for me to keep my mind busy and focused on something other than those nasty little voices in my head. This newsletter has been a great way for me to write and verbalise certain thoughts and feelings and opinions, while at the same time hopefully adding value to whoever reads it.

The combination of speaking about certain feelings and thoughts and the, hopefully correct, perception that I might be adding value to someone out there is a great combination for me. It’s almost like a double dose vaccine against anxious and negative thoughts.

Now a few days ago I had a very interesting discussion with someone around how going on safari is, for them at least, a great way to relieve their anxiety.

Now if we take this back to our reptilian brain and how it’s programmed to actually work, going on safari could very well be seen as going back to a place in time where we were truly connected to nature and, like so many people have told me in the past, we feel like ourselves.

I’m sure that if you’ve been on safari, you’ve had moments where you suddenly go quiet, take stock and everything just feels right. It’s almost a feeling of “this feels right, this feels natural, this is where I’m supposed to be”.

I’ve written about this in the past, but a campfire is the quintessential example of getting in touch with your emotions and ‘feeling like yourself.’

Fire unlocks something deep inside us which allows us to access places in our mind and emotions that we sometimes try and shy away from.

Now here’s the reality check, while you’re on safari feeling like you’ve returned to a place where everything just feels right, all the things, the people, the situations that cause you anxiety still exists back home.

So I guess the question then, is how can we take the feeling of everything just being right, and the person who we feel we are on safari back home and try to reconcile that with a maze of anxious feelings that awaits us at home?

I strongly believe that if we were to have conversations around the fire, or out on safari, where we tackle certain emotions and feelings head on we will create just enough awareness as to who we really are, what makes us anxious and why we feel things in a certain way that we will be in a much better place to then try and reconcile all of this with our public personas.

Most people, in their daily lives, have constructed a certain persona as which they live at work, school, and sometimes even with family and friends. To me, and this is just my opinion, I think the challenge we all have is to try and balance who we really and truly are – maybe that person during the quiet moments outdoors, in nature or on safari – with this thing called real life which, as amazing as it can be, is also the reason we, for right or wrong, suffer from anxiety.

And look, social media has fucked up so much for so many people because of the false expectations, feelings of insecurity and generally fake and totally unrealistic goals some people try and measure up to.

Yes, there are 100% things that we need to worry about in life. Quite a few actually.

But in today’s world we have been made to question and examine literally every single part of our lives and we have created a global headspace, and frame of mind, that is making us nervous and anxious about every single possible outcome of every single aspect of our lives.

These feelings of anxiety is way more often than not based on things and situations that will never happen.

Now all of this is my personal feelings and I appreciate that anxiety and these kind of mindset and feelings is different for everybody.

The one thing that I can share with you, and that I’m pretty sure of, is that whenever you get to space where it feels like anxiety is getting the better of you is to do something.

You have to act.

Do something.

And trust me, I know how difficult this can be because when you’re anxious and worrying about things, or even worrying about something which you do not know what it is, you often feel crippled by the feelings and intensity of the emotions and thoughts you are having.

I have been crippled like this and I know how hard it can be.

But still, the smallest bit of action can make a world of difference.

Go for a walk, write something, ask for something to do from your boss or supervisor, go hit the gym, make a cup of coffee, smoke a cigar, take a shower, text a friend or play with your dog.

Anything.

Just… do… something!

I guess at the end of the day it’s up to each of us to find a way not to get rid of anxiety per se, but to manage it.

The one thing I can assure you of is that whenever you feel that crippling feeling of dread creep up on you and you find yourself not being able to focus on anything… try and remember that you are not alone.

You’re not the first person to ever suffer from anxiety and you won’t be the last.

And you know what?

The vast majority of people get through all the situations that they were anxious about and the things they were worrying about that could happen, almost never does.

If you’re still reading, thank you so much. After having spoken to quite a few people about anxiety during the last few weeks I just felt that I needed to share some thoughts and a few personal experiences and opinions on the matter.

I completed my Psychology degree many years ago and have alway had a very keen interest in and awareness of mental health and how we, as human beings, operate and interact and win. I have also been studying again, and yes even writing exams, and all of this has just made me feel that we can do this. We can manage – you can manage – the things that we sometimes feel is too big for us.

During the next few weeks I will be launching my new website and services, and for those of you that feel you need someone to talk to and to help you not only manage your own anxiety but also to try and re-calibrate your thoughts and turn them into positives, I’d love to help you with that.