The festive season.

Having worked with people since last year this time, and having had many real conversations with people about how they’re feeling, I’ve been struck by how amazingly un-festive this season can be for so may people and in many instances it’s a really difficult time of year.

Off the top of my head, and I am sure you’ll be able to think of your own challenges or anxieties around this time of year, the following comes to mind.

• Financial stress
• Family tension
• Feeling alone

Let’s scratch at that for a moment.

Financial stress

The truth of the matter is that the festive season and Christmas has become commercialised to the point where, for some at least, it totally overshadows the things that are really important.

We are expected to buy gifts for people who we might not even really care about that much. We’re expected to go out for lunches and drinks and events, that often you really don’t want to attend. All this adds to our financial stress.

Then there is going away for the holidays which, in South Africa at least, is a pretty big deal for a lot of people and the idea of staying at home and not going to the beach feels like a big downer and can make you feel very negative about not having enough expendable funds to make your dream holiday possible.

On top of this we often also then put ourselves in a state of financial anxiety by feeling we need to get ourselves a little something for Christmas yet we know it’s not necessary and you cant really afford it. This could take you down a rabbit hole where you question how much money you’re making and even take you to a place where you question what you do and whether you’re successful in what you do or, to put it simply, whether you’re good enough at life.

What can you do?

• Identify what’s causing you financial stress. Buying gifts and attending social get togethers can be very expensive. Plan ways to reduce your spending by having a serious look at your priorities.
• Find low cost ways to have fun. They exist, you know they do! Don’t let money cut you off from your family and friends. If you can’t afford expensive restaurant meals or cocktail catch-ups, organise a BBQ in the park or a party at home where everyone brings a plate of food. Go for a hike with your dog. Arrange a couch day and watch your favorite series.
• Plan ahead. This might sound strange but using the festive season to plan ahead is not a bad idea. There are sales in January. You can look ahead to the future and use your time off from work to plan a dream holiday the next year. Use the time you have to plan ahead. It will give you something to do and something exciting to focus on.

Family tension

Let’s get real here. Just because you’re related doesn’t mean your family members will always get along. Unresolved conflict, different lifestyles or even just the fact that spending a lot of time together is a hard thing and takes hard work at the best of time can all contribute to festive season anxiety.

Family and relationship problems can be a trigger for anxiety and now, during this time of year when you’re expected to ‘just be okay’ with everything and all the time spent together, your emotions and reality all just feel so much more intense than normal.

What can you do?

• Set realistic expectations. This goes for yourself and, if you’re willing to have one or two hard conversations, for your family members as well. Lay out the rules and what you’re expecting which will make it easier for you to navigate the situation with confidence.
• Drink in moderation. It may be very tempting, and seem like a god idea, to drink too much during the festive period, but alcohol can contribute to stress, anxiety and depression. Alcohol may be a problem if you’re drinking to cope and when you add any family tension to this you’re left with a situation that could implode on everybody involved.
• Avoid known triggers. If your family has a history of arguing over a certain topic, don’t bring it up. Simple as that.
• Be nice.
• Be kind.

Feeling alone

It’s a strange thing with this time of year, and quite a few people echoed this during recent conversations I’ve had.

The feeling of loneliness.

Now this could literally mean you being alone, without anyone to spend time with, or it could be that you’re with people but still, even in the social context, you feel alone.

Keep in mind, and this is something I totally believe. It’s better to be lonely than wish you were alone.

What can you do?

• Connect with friends and family. Even if you’re separated by distance, you can stay in touch with loved ones online or by phone. A morning of sending messages to old friends and people you’ve lost touch with is a great way to take you down memory lane and initiate contact.
• Volunteer your time. Why not lend a hand to a local shelter over Christmas? There are lots of charities who need help. You’ll connect with people and feel good about making a positive contribution.
• Make plans for Christmas Day. Develop a plan in advance to avoid feeling depressed or stressed on the day. Perhaps make yourself a special breakfast, buy yourself a gift in advance so that you can enjoy on the day, attend a local church service if that’s your thing, or take a stroll through the local park to give yourself a treat.

More than all this, for those of us struggling with anxiety and depression during this time of year, it could be a road to enormous self-doubt and self-judgment.

Aside from your own unrelenting standards, it can feel really difficult to muster the energy that is required to match the festiveness of the season.

We need to learn to live in the moment – even more so this time of year – and not get lost in the ideal of always being happy and feeling happy.

Happy is a state of being which flows and this comes from being present in and enjoying the moment.

Everything I mentioned above, along with many other situations and events during this time of year, all takes a toll on our mental health.

This is important… it is okay to take some time for yourself, acknowledge how you are feeling, accept it and take one thing at a time.

Here are a few strategies you can lean into as we approach the silly season.

• Plan ahead – Taking control of your days and how you keep yourself busy is a huge step in the right direction and will give you small pleasures to look forward to. And yes, self care is compulsory!
• Know your triggers – So that you can manage this and protect your own headspace.
• Live in the moment – No matter what mindset you’re in, there IS beauty around us during this time of year. Make an effort o look for it, notice it and spend some time in that moment.
• Practise compassion and gratitude – I have written about it here but by learning how to and then leaning into the spirit of the season – what it’s supposed to be – and deploying compassion and gratitude you might find yourself finding some beautiful moments to enjoy.
• Take care of your physical health. Move. Walk. Lift. Stretch.
• Be intentional. This is a topic I could carry on about for a long while, and probably will in the new year, but this festive season be intentional about you, what you feel and what you want.

So here’s the thing.

Yes, the festive season can be challenging and cause feelings anxiety and depression.

It CAN be a time of rest and peace and love and connection.

And there IS beauty out there if you look for it.

I believe this 100% and even though a lot of what I wrote about above is from personal experiences or deep-seated fears and emotions I am going to do the one thing I know I can do in order to get the most out of the festive season.

I am going to put myself first and unashamedly focus on my own mental and physical health and then expand that to the people closest to me and then out to the world around me from there.

It is possible.

And it’s a process you can not only execute against but actually enjoy.

If you’re feeling lost or unsure or anxious about the next few weeks please reach out. 🙏🏼.

Last year I ran a program to help people navigate the November to January time period and even though I’m not doing it as a formal program again this year, I will be working with a number of clients to reset, recalibrate and rejuvenate them and their headspace as we head into 2023.

Which brings with it the whole New Year’s resolution thing… but we will get to that at a later stage. 😉

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